The Music of the Night!

I've always been a music person. I love it! I prefer it to television and find it to be the most satisfying aspect of a film. I have a soundtrack to my life and an odd taste in favorites! Barry Manilow tops the list with his amazingly romantic tunes that all women long to turn into reality! Bing Crosby's low tones and sweet croons remind me of happier times when women were ladies and men were gentlemen. Showing my age, I find Breaking Benjamin, Daughtry, Alice in Chains, Rob Thomas, Matchbox twenty, and Train filling my car on my daily transits through my life and normal routine. I prefer music that either melts my heart, or causes my ass to shake on a dance floor. I also like to pound my fist on the steering wheel and shout at the top of my lungs from time to time! However, there are times when I notice music coming from an origin other than the speakers on my television or stereo. Sometimes the thunder rolls, a heart beats, or the small breaths of my only child can be a melody to my ears and the harmony to my life! Other times, the music does not follow a specific rythem or creatively placed collection of notes. Some times, like tonight, the music is new and exciting, strange and questionable...but still music to my ears!

Ting...Ting...Ting! I had just turned off the shower and could hear the strangest sound breeze through my home, down the hall, invading every room. As I reached for my towel, the pinging noise began to grow anxiously and wildly as the tempo quickened. "What could it be?" was all I could think. I clumsily groped for my robe...knowing that the blinds on my sliding glass doors were pulled open, allowing the neighborhood to gaze into my dining room, the direction of the mysterious noise. I glanced in the playroom, sure that my daughter would still be watching her beloved Veggie Tales videos. Empty! The video rolled, the sound just a whisper compared to the constant "ting" that I continued to hear. Soon the "ting" was accompanied by another melodious and beautiful sound. The sweet giggle of my daughter rang through the air followed by the percussion of her footsteps down the hall and into my arms! "Pretty!" she joyfully exclaimed grabbing my hands and pulling me with all her might! Confused and intriqued I cautiously allowed her to lead me down the hall, where the "tinging" noise had mysteriously stopped. "What could she have gotten into in the two minutes I took to jump in the shower?" I thought. Our home was as child-proof as you could be for the average toddler. However Lexi had never ceased to amaze me in her ability to pick a lock, disarm and alarm, pry open a latch, and put the invention of "child-proof" safety equipment in extinction. As we slowly continued down the hall, I knew that she was the cause of the strange music of the night. The constant "ting...ting...ting ting...ting ting ting ting..ting" had ended the moment she concluded with her grand finale of a squeal! We rounded the corner and I struggled to catch my breath! "Pretty" she muttered again, this time pointing to her creation on the wooden kitchen floor. There I stood at the entrance of a work of art, 1,250 craft beads strewn along the floor. A rainbow of colors and minagerie of shapes lying helplessly in every nook, cranny, and inch of the floor, illuminated by the beaming smile of my proud two year old. The music of the night quickly returned, however not as joyously or mysteriously as before. My bones cracked, my lungs exhaled, and my mouth sighed as I began to bend down to start the job at hand. The sheer disappointment on Lexi's face assured me that the task could wait until she was asleep! I proudly kissed her cheek as she again repeated "pretty" from her beautiful lips!

Needless to say, the beads have been hidden, only to be used under careful adult supervision!

Well worth the wait!

Four years I've waited! Four years, five months, and six days to be exact. The long lonely nights of staring aimlessly into the dark sky, wishing on every twinkling star. Long nights of searching for a safe place to rest my head, kick up my feet, and finally feel at home. I just about gave up when the phone began to ring. The sweet bell-like ring of the phone made my heart skip a beat as I read the name come acrosss the dimly-lit face of the caller ID. Could it be, was it true, were they really calling me in anticipation of sharing such an important announcement? I took a deep breath as I struggled to mutter the two simple words that were clinging to the end of my tongue, "thank you," softly escaped my lips as I slowly began to loosen my grip on the black telephone receiver in my hand.

Am I ready? After all of these years of waiting, I can't help but wonder if I am truly ready for such an important and exciting delivery. I blankly gaze through the dark and dingy room around me, "what now?" I question. The voice on the other end of the phone told me that I had two days left, two days until my heart would burst with excitement! How was I to sleep or eat when all I could think about was getting ready, preparing for my special delivery!

The day slowly comes and my excitement grows. Soon I will know the feeling, the relief of leaving behind the old, and welcoming in the new. The joy of starting over and manipulating my world, the joy of beauty and comfort. Joy!

The hour is upon me and my husband whispers, "It's time." I open the door and brace it in place. The wind blows through my blonde hair, weerily falling into my face as my eyes catch a glimpse of the beatiful picture in front of me. I quickly escape away, not to interfere with the task at hand, but still able to observe from the shadows! Four years, five months and six days have passed since I walked through the doors to my adult life, and four years, five months, and six days later, I finally have new living room furniture!!!!

AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL!!!

I can't make you change

I sit here looking at you, wishing that you could read my mind. I glance around to see if anyone else feels the way I do. Am I the only one that feels so helpless and invisible when you are around? I can't make you change.
The next time we meet, I stare at you from my spot in the world, so much lower than your heightened importance. You control my life, my direction and my speed through life. You have slowed me down to where I feel I will never pick up from this stopping point on a road to nowhere. I stare at you, wishing you could read my mind, knowing that I can't make you change.
I see you again, and things are always the same. I'm beginning to get stronger, not worried of what those around me will think. I quietly ask you, mumbling under my breath..."Please...please....just let me go". I begin to pray that you will let me go on my way, let me be, and release me from the power you have over my existence.
Again, we meet. You shine upon me with the brightest spark I have seen all day, but somehow the shine dulls as you put me in my place again. I stop dead in my tracks, and I beg you.."Please...Please just let me go".
I feel courageous today as I approach your reddened face. Maybe today is the day where I forget the world around me and I tell you how I feel. No more secret prayers or whispers under my breath. You come closer and the anger builds in my throat. I begin to beg.."Please..Please.." but my prayers are answered before my mouth can yell the words, "Damn You". The light turns green and I merrily go on my way.
I hate red-lights.