Happy Mother's Day!

   In honor of Mother's Day I thought that I would treat myself to a new pair of shoes.  For weeks I have been staring at the feet of the women around me.  So, if you are a woman that I encounter on a daily basis, I highly suggest that you ensure your feet and toes are well manicured because I have been examining your shoes.  This means break out the ped-eggs, hoof cream, and nail polish if you want to remain nameless in my daily ramblings!
   Anyhoo...as an avid lover of flip-flops I have come to realize that I lack professionally appropriate footwear for my massively large feet.  I own two pair of business attire open toed shoes and am desperately in need of others.  As I gaze around at the feet that step in and out of my daily happenings I have come to find that I LOVE the summer-style wedged shoe look.  For some reason I have avoided these in the past and have never really found them to be all that attractive.  I'm assuming that the styles of them have evolved over the years and that producer's of shoes have creatively found a way to brain wash American women into believing that walking around on a two pound wedge of wood is not only physically attractive but is also good for our posture and overall podiatric comfort.  (Is podiatric even a word or did I just make it up?)  Never the less, I have fallen into the trap and thought that if I was to treat myself to a new pair of shoes, this was the weekend.
   So I joyfully slipped into my super-comfy foam Target-special flip-flops and made my way to "real" department stores that sold "real" shoes, rather than my normal $10 dollar steals.  I waded through racks of heels, butt-toning soles, and wedges only to find that 90 % of them had straps that wrapped around your ankles.  Now, if there are two things my lower extremities do not like, it is having my toes suffocated by leather or my unbelievable large ankle bones strangled by a strap.  I started wondering if I missed this little detail as I stalked the feet of those who passed by me or if their ankles were simply covered by pant legs.  After about 45 depressing minutes of shoe searching I finally found a pair worthy of trying on.  This Union Bay wedge was ADORABLE!  It was lacking the tight, pulse stopping, feet numbing ankle strap and only lifted my 5'8" frame up an additional 2 inches.  My heart fluttered with excitement when I finally handed the floor display to the clerk and asked for my size.  I was finally going to be "hip" in the footwear department and would probably walk a little taller knowing that, if nothing else, my feet would be cute when I returned to work on Monday.  As I waited anxiously for the clerk to return I glanced around to ensure that there were no other pairs for me to try on.  Nope...I had found the only non-strangling wedge in the entire store and was sure it was a match made in Heaven.  Finally the clerk returned with my anticipated box...I sat down, slipped my foot into the sophisticated, yet fun beachy-styled wedge and joyfully jumped to attention in front of the mirror.  I felt taller, I felt cuter, and best of all, my toes could breathe as they stuck out from under my pant leg.  I never thought to check the price-tag, but it didn't matter because I knew these shoes would be it.  Finally, the last examination was to occur...a simple lift of my pant leg and I would see how cute these shoes would be with a skirt...one...two...three...and...
   Needless to say, with the lift of my over-sized denim pant leg I realized why I had never tried a wedged shoe on before.  When your feet are a size ten...even the cutest pair of wedged shoes look like a 2x4 strapped to your foot.  Looks like I'll go back to Target and fine a sparkly pair of flip-flops again this year.

Did you hear that?

  So I am wandering through my house today, attempting to avoid the unbelievable mess that has accumulated while I "try" to organize the mounds of toys my spoiled daughters have, when I heard something echo down the hall.  I couldn't quite place what the sound was but I was quite certain that I had heard it before.  I stepped over a pile of shoes that had been stacked at the bottom of the stairs and strained to listen once more.  The only noise I heard was that of my darling Lexi yelling at her baby sister.  It appears as though Genevieve was looking at a picture Lexi was drawing, which was not an approved behavior according to big sister Lexi.  I was in the middle of explaining to Lexi that her baby sister was only one year old and didn't understand Lexi's self-imposed rules.  As I began to remind Lexi of how big sisters are supposed to help their little sisters, I realized that I had heard the noise again.  I stopped talking and quickly looked around.  Sure enough, there was nothing to be seen, nothing but crazy Meatball, our sweet Pekingese, staring blankly up at me.  As I went back to weeping over my messy house I couldn't shake the feeling that I had heard the noise before, the feeling that I should know what it was.  Just as I felt I may remember, my concentration was broken by the slam of a door and the wail of Genevieve.
   "Unlock this door!" I yelled to Lexi, "you don't want us to take it off again!"  Lexi was in her room, and so was Genevieve, and the doorknob was locked!  I patiently knocked on the door, sweetly explaining to Lexi why the door needed to stay open while Genevieve continued to pound back on the door crying at the top of her lungs.  My attempts of peace were met unsuccessfully with more tears from Genna and a lack of care from Lexi.  As I walked back to my room to get the spare key, I found myself raising my voice, dictating every move I was making in hopes of talking Lexi into following my demand to open the door.  No chance!  I could hear Lexi through the locked door, starting to sing a song she had learned at preschool.  "Alexis!  Alexis, I need you to open this door...if I have to unlock it, you will go straight to bed without cartoons!  Okay...I'm going to get the key...one...two..." There it was again...I heard the familiar noise again echo down the hall that I was beginning to make a commotion in.  As I turned quickly to see what was there, I caught a glimpse of myself in a hallway picture frame.  There it was...the sound I had heard so many times before had finally made it to my own home!  The familiar sound that both sent shivers down my spine and warmth in my heart was the sound of my mother's voice...coming from my mouth! 

Woo Hoo...New and Improved Blog Post #1

  So...I work with children!  I work one-on-one with children in the school setting, however it is both a blessing and a curse that all children seem to latch on to me like leaches!  Needless to say, your kids tell me everything about your life!  They often repeat things that you say, usually inaccurately, and profess the most intimate details of your life to the adults they encounter at school!
   I want you to understand that I am sharing these things with you in hopes of helping your improve your social relationships!  I hope you will see these little tidbits as they really are...opportunities to learn from your mistakes!  Maybe you can envision your own child telling other adults the statements and stories that I will share over the lifetime of this blog and you will realize that maybe you shouldn't have named your dog "Meatball" and then expected your toddler to enjoy her dinner the first time you tell her she is having spaghetti and meatballs.  (True story by the way...when Lexi had her first plate of spaghetti and meatballs she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said, "But I lub Meatbaw!").

    So...what do your kids tell the rest of the world when you aren't around?  Here is real life example number one!

   I was working in a preschool when an adorable little red-headed boy looks up at me and says, "Miss Jess...do you want to spend the night?"  He proceeded to inform me that his dad could use a wife and that their couch was very comfortable if I wanted to spend the night.  His dad would even make me macaroni and cheese from a box if I asked him.  Needless to say when Dad came in for the next parent-involved function I politely avoided both him and his child...until his son grabbed my hand and said, "Dad...this is Miss Jess, I think she should be my new mom!"

  So...single mothers...or married mothers who dream of Dierks Bentley at night...don't share your thoughts on men with your children, or they just might set you up on a blind date while at school. 

Welcome Back!

Oh my it has been so long since I have put my thoughts into words!  The few of you that read this may be thrilled and irritated that I have decided to take this blog and run this time around!  I've planned enough that I actually have some actual topics to discuss different days of the week!  As a writer this actually helps me organize my thoughts, which are like ten packets of Post-it notes stuck on every inanimate object in the room.
  Some of the "daily specials" that I will be addressing include:
      1.  Wow...did my daughter just say that
      2.  Things that your kids tell their teachers
      3.  How NOT to cook for your family
      4.  How I dropped the ball on my wifely duties this week
      5.  What I was awesome at this week
      6.  People drive me crazy

Of course, there will be many random topics that come up, seeming as how I am about as random as you can get!  I hope you enjoy and PLEASE subscribe to the blog, share it with your friends...spread the word to all of the other modern day super women that you know!  It is so much more fun to write when you know someone is going to read it!

Giddy up!
Jessie