Quarter-life crisis

So I'm having a quarterlife crisis. Not a mid-life crisis, as that would mean I was only going to live to be 54, and the thought of that saddens me. I can honestly say that I can picture myself living to be over 100. I once heard that you will only live to be as old as you can imagine. Seeming as how I can visualize myself as a very old (but very hip!) lady, shrunken in size, hair as white as can be, sitting on an old front porch with one of my twenty cats on my lap, I know that this is only a quarter life crisis.

What happens during a quarter life crisis you ask? I'm guessing that it is completely opposite than a midlife crisis. I've always thought of a midlife crisis occuring when someone wants things to be the "way they used to be". Most men by fast cars, and it's the stereotype that they will begin dating, or hoping to date much younger women, dying their hair, and reliving their youth, all in an attempt to be young again. For women, on the other hand, I think a mid-life crisis is brought on by our own genetics and biology, triggered by the dreaded M word Menopause. Along with the physical attributes of "the m-word", women find themselves with grown children, empty houses, and a husband that they barely know anymore. I've known many women at this time that fear the thought of their husbands not being interested in them, now that the kids are no longer around.

Well...let me assure you that this is NOT the crisis that I am experiencing! However, I do feel as though the two are intertwined, and I fear if I do not have this current crisis, I will never have the mid-life crisis (which might not be a bad thing). You see, to have my mid-life crisis and wish that I could be "the way I used to be", I have to have a crisis to find out just who or what it is I am being. As a wife, a mom, an employee, and a student, I forget what it means to be simply "Jess." I don't remember what music used to make me shake my ass, what show made me cry, what outfit made me feel beautiful, or what flower made me melt. All of this, leading to my quarter-life crisis.

Back in the day, with every new relationship came another new hair style. When I suffered a bad breakup, I chopped my hair off. Today, being (99 % of the time) happily married, I chopped my hair off for a "fun change". I hacked off the "mom" hair, for a hair style that is supposed to remind me of how much fun I used to be. Along with this, is the urge for costume jewelry. For those of you that know me, I have never worn this, as my family owns a jewelry store, and I have only ever had the "fine" stuff. So...new "fun" jewelry = hip and in style Jess! (or so I hope) Now comes the music. I started surfing the radio, waiting for a glimpse of what I like, only to find that I like almost everything.

I'm reminded of a Julia Roberts movie, "Runaway Bride". Julia's character could never settle down, and it took a reporter to point out that she always morphed into what her "fiance's" wanted. I can see a scene in my head where the reporter asks each ex-fiance how Julia's character liked her eggs, and each had a different answer. That's me...always choosing the eggs that those around me want, never taking the time to try out all of the eggs to find out which type I crave. That sums up my quarterlife crisis in a nutshell..not an egg shell, but a nutshell... what do I like? Who am I? Who do I want to be? Am I scrambled, poached, or hard boiled?

I'll get cracking on that right now.